Why oh why does it hurt so much?
I had expected the pain sure, but I did not expect that it would be quite so painful.
Oh how I wish that I was not so poor at handling pain, how I wish that you and I had done this before.
I know that the real pain has not even started yet, but I try not to think about it.
I’m so scared but once I’m with you it’s like all the worry and fear just disappear.
I want you so much though that I’m willing to deal with the pain; I want it to be you and me the first time.
When you are behind me or there in front of me I can’t help but feel such a longing to have you in me, but the fear of pain is stopping me.
I love you so much and yet I am saddened at the promise of the loss of my innocence.
I will no longer be the innocent child that I am right now; I will be becoming something that I never thought I’d be.
I am oh so nervous and frightened about what is to come….and yet I am also oddly excited about it as well.
I find myself wondering if you feel the same way that I do and think that maybe you do.
It will/does not hurt you the same way that it will/did me, yet I know you sympathize with me.
I also know that you feel bad for the pain that you are/ will be causing me in our union.
I do not blame you though for I know that if the roles were reversed you would not blame me either.
Our moment will be just for us, and no one else, it will stay between you and me and of course the nature around us.
The wind is gently blowing caressing our skin and moving my hair as it passes, I smile despite the pain and you slowly begin to move inside of me.
Oh the sweet romance that has gone between us since we first met and got to know each other.
The grass is surrounding us and it is cushioning me as if we were lying down upon pillows stuffed full of feathers.
I feel like I am ready to become a woman and yet am now clinging to my innocence with all that I have.
Oh this sweet torture that I have inflicted upon myself and in doing that on you as well.
But you will always be the holder of my first act of committed relationship dealings.
Oh my love to know that there is pain does not make me want to forgo the act that we shall commit.
It only makes me frightened to commit the act, but I know that you will try to make it as painless as is possible.
So my dear here’s to us and to the moment that is owed to us both.
Love me or lust for me it is still to be ours.